Monday, February 14, 2011

Requesting Feedback

Dear El Sistema Movement Colleagues,

Please read the proposed statements below, and offer your feedback. Our Task Force will accomodate as many suggestions as we can, being mindful that Vision and Mission Statements are most powerful when they are succinct and include active language. Please feel free to comment on one another's posts to give us a sense of your views. This may be a slightly awkward way to refine language together, but, with your help, we can arrive at statements that hold our shared aspirations and values in a clear and compelling way. Will we consider comments until Thursday, February 24.


Thank you,

The Document Task force: Anne, Camille, Eric and Mark. Eric will host this first effort.



Draft: VISION Statement of the El Sistema Network of Nucleos in the U.S.


The El Sistema Network of Nucleos in the U.S. thrives as a vital and growing network of independent musical ensemble programs for youth with the fewest resources, programs inspired and informed by Venezuela's El Sistema. The movement transforms the lives of all those who come in contact with its work-students, teachers, families, artists, community activists and supporters-using musical expression to expand the potential of our youth, to bridge cultural divisions, to celebrate the richness and relevance of ensemble music, and to coordinate the efforts of partner organizations and individuals who aspire to shared goals of youth and community development.



Draft: MISSION Statement of the El Sistema Network of Nucleos in the U.S.


The mission of the El Sistema Network of Nucleos in the U.S. is to support and foster the emerging musical and social movement in the United States that has been inspired by El Sistema in Venezuela, by building a national network of shared resources, values, aspirations, and advocacy to unify the growing populations of geographically and organizationally diverse El Sistema-inspired programs and multiply their impact.

28 comments:

  1. My initial impression of these two statements is positive. My only suggestion is changing the statement "to bridge cultural divisions" in the vision statement to "to unite cultures and communities"

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with the initial impressions as well and want to second Dalouge's comments.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm - I like the sentiment and agree with Dalouge and Stanford about uniting communities rather than bridging divisions. I will have more comments about specific language once I roll the sounds around a bit. Aloha

    ReplyDelete
  4. The language of the vision statement is in need of tightening. The first sentence is actually 2 clauses without a linking verb. On the other hand I really love the sentiments expressed in the 2nd sentence. I will also second Dalouge's suggestion.

    I think the mission statement is perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Vision:

    Network vs movement. We can author a network, not a movement. The latter is large, nebulous, non discreet. Instead of visioning the movement, would it be better to vision how the network relates to the movement?

    I'm also inclined to strike 'expression' and add 'pursuit' or some other word that implies the rigor, challenge, training, etc that really drive the hard won satisfaction and sense of group unity in these programs.

    Beyond that, a few less words might be a good idea.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'll second Mark about the mission. That's very solid considering the many unknowns on the horizon. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks to all for this first wave of response. (As new colleagues arrive, please do check in with a comment, even approval--that is how we get a sense of wide approval. I understand people to check a page but don't comment are called "lurkers.") Lots of agreement around Dalouge's wording suggestion. Thanks, Mark and Jesse from St. Louis, good comments. And Jesse, yes, these statements intend to speak for the Network, as titled. I agree, the movement is an indefinite concept, that includes more than the nucleo leaders who are learning to function together and have been invited into this forum.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I, too, agree with Dalouge's suggestion. The first sentence of the vision statement, as Mark stated, needs some work. Perhaps ending the first sentence after the word resources and then starting the next sentence with: The nucleo's programs are inspired and informed by Venezuela's El Sistema.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks, Jill. I am getting a sense of how we might rewrite the first sentence of the Vision statement. But...would someone take a crack at a revision in a post?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I would love to get to a vision with many fewer words, but here's an attempt using some of the current language.

    The El Sistema Nucleo Network in the US changes the lives of children and their communities through a nationwide network of diverse, free orchestra and choir programs inspired by El Sistema, using musical expression to expand the potential of our youth, to bridge cultural divisions, to celebrate the richness and relevance of ensemble music and to coordinate the efforts of partner organizations and individuals who aspire to shared goals of youth and community development.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I would love for people to speak to the need to include verbage about diversity in these statements. I do not share that desire and wish to be informed of its relevance.

    Thank you Kealliloma for your offering! I think it is quite an improvement!

    Given my own predilections I offer this as a further refinement (or maybe the opposite- for you all to decide!)

    The Network of Nucleos, El Sistema USA, changes the lives of children and communities through a nstionwide network inspired by El Sistema which uses music to expand young people's potential and bridge cultural divisions. Celebrating the rich relevance of ensemble music, we seek to coordinate the efforts of partner organizations and individuals who aspire to the shared goal of youth and community development.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sorry - somehow I'm listed twice - as Louise Lanzilotti and as Keali‘iloma. I didn't change to Dalouge's better wording in my posted draft, so this is a small update. My use of the word diverse may have been confusing - I was referring to a variety of programs - so I took it out

    The US El Sistema Nucleo Network changes the lives of children and their communities through a nationwide network of free orchestra and choir programs inspired by El Sistema, using musical expression to expand the potential of our youth, to unite cultures and communities, to celebrate the richness and relevance of ensemble music and to coordinate the efforts of partner organizations and individuals who aspire to shared goals of youth and community development.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you, Mark and Louise, for moving us along. Others, please comment on any of the three versions we now have on the table--the original Mission Statement, Mark's and Louse's latest.

    Also, further comments requested on the Vision Statement too (in red above), which has had a few suggestions but not a suggested rewrite.

    Are we altogether missing some element that seems very important to you in either?

    ReplyDelete
  14. I also look forward to comments from others. Just wanted to clarify that I like the original mission statement. My draft was an attempt at the vision statement.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I continue to be happy with the Mission Statement. I offer this slightly modified version of Louise's revised Vision Statement:

    The independent organizations of the United States El Sistema Nucleo Network change the lives of children and their communities through instrumental and vocal ensemble programs inspired by Venezuela's El Sistema. Using the pursuit of musical expression, Nucleo Network programs expand the potential of our nation's youth, unite cultures and communities, celebrate the richness and relevance of ensemble music, and coordinate the efforts of partner organizations and individuals who aspire to shared goals of youth and community development.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The Mission Statement looks great. Well done on the Vision Statement, Dalouge and Louise. I move that we use Dalouge's iteration of the Vision Statement from earlier today.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I agree that Dalouge's wording is both eloquent and representative of the diverse nucleos that comprise the "network." I feel that Dalouge's vision statement and the existing mission statement accurately represent the goals of our program in Stockton, CA.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks for the comments--Dalouge's version seems to be capturing people's agreement, thanks to Dalouge and Louise and the input from others for getting us there.

    Still time if anyone has further suggestions or perhaps thoughts on the Mission Statement. We will close down our attention to this group feedback-gathering project on Friday morning, as promised, to keep our commitment to clear, respectfully-focused communications, that do not drag on.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Not everyone is familiar with "nucleos" - what it represents or how it is organized. I'd favor dropping the term and calling the effort "El Sistema Network USA". (Eventually this organization will have to be clearly understood by the average person, not just those intimately involved.)

    The first sentence of the vision statement, as Mark has commented, is in need of revision -- so that it's clear that "the fewest resources" modifies "youth" not "the El Sistema Network". Would it be not politically correct to say "disadvantaged youth" and eliminate one of the "programs" as in: "The El Sistema Network USA thrives as a vital and growing network of independent musical ensemble programs for disadvantaged youth inspired and informed by Venezuela's El Sistema."

    The second sentence of the vision statement needs to be simplified also, in my opinion. Right now it tries to list too much. Same with the mission statement.

    I wish I could be a cheerleader, but it seems to me that both the vision and mission statements are presently 'too wordy' and cumbersome.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I also find both the vision and mission very wordy. It needs to be simplified for the general public. Here's my proposed revision:

    Revised VISION


    The El Sistema-USA is a vital and growing network of independent musical ensemble programs or nucleos for economically disadvantaged youth. Inspired and informed by Venezuela's El Sistema, the movement transforms the lives of all those who come in contact with its work—students, teachers, families, artists, community activists and supporters—using the pursuit of music to expand the potential of young people, bridge cultural divisions, celebrate the richness and relevance of ensemble music, and coordinate the efforts of partner organizations and individuals who have the shared-goal of youth and community development.



    Revised MISSION.


    The mission of the El Sistema-USA network is to support and foster the musical and social movement inspired by El Sistema in Venezuela that is emerging in the United States by building a national network of shared resources, values, aspirations, and advocacy to unify the growing populations of geographically and organizationally diverse El Sistema-inspired programs and multiply their impact.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I like Melina's rewording of the mission. It is strong and clear. I like both the original Vision and Dalouge's Vision revision. But I agree with some that it needs wordsmithed and streamlined so it scans better.

    Here is my crack at it. I'm not sure what we are calling "us", so I just used El Sistema-USA as the proper noun:

    El Sistema-USA seeks to transform and expand the potential of our nation’s youth by providing them with rigorous and fulfilling orchestral and choral training programs inspired by Venezuela’s El Sistema. Through the combined benefits of musical expression and ensemble building, El Sistema-USA celebrates the richness and relevance of music while simultaneously uniting communities, cultures and organizations, and inspiring our children to a brighter and more promising future.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm glad we have more contributors! This will help our Task Force make final refinements knowing what the Network community wants.

    My one last personal observation is something I mentioned regularly during the El Sistema USA strategic planning work of last year: I believe it is important to differentiate between El Sistema USA as an organization and the Network as an affiliation of organizations. As such, using the phrase "El Sistema-USA" to describe the network reduces this differentiation.

    Also, though the term "nucleo" is not commonly understood at present, I strongly feel it is a valuable term for us to use in describing our work and programs. Through use we can introduce its meaning to the wider public as has been done with new words throughout history.

    I'll add a couple postings emailed to me by people unable to add them to this page directly.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am posting this on behalf of Jenean Watrous:
    I read the statements and input from you (and others) but had trouble signing-in to post my comments.

    Basically, though, I appreciate yours and Louise's suggestions. And I, too, hope we can make the statements just a little more concise.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am posting this on behalf of Louse Ghandhi:

    Many thanks for the great work so far!
    I took the liberty of building on Dalouge's excellent last submission, adding some terms from Louise (free)...
    This is my humble submission for the Vision:
    The independent organizations of the United States El Sistema Nucleo Network change the lives of children and their communities through free orchestra and choir [orchestral and choral?] programs inspired by Venezuela's El Sistema. Using the pursuit of musical expression, Nucleo Network programs expand the potential of our nation's youth and unite cultures and communities by [while?] celebrating the richness and relevance of ensemble music making. The Nucleo Network seeks collaborative efforts with partner organizations and individuals who aspire to the shared goals of youth and community development.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I like the improvements to the mission statement. A few suggestions and my attempt.

    I think we need to add something in reference to reducing crime, higher graduation rates.

    I agree with Hal that we need to make it tangible to the “average person”

    Here is my attempt. Please use what you think is beneficial or not.

    The mission of El Sistema USA is to transform the lives of children, neighborhoods, communities through music. By providing free instruments, top instructors, daily lessons as demonstrated by the proven methods of El Sistema in Venezuela. This mission will result in reducing crime, higher graduation rates, uniting diverse communities and like minded organizations for inspiring our children to a brighter and promising future.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hello Colleagues,

    We had a good last flurry of participation--something to remember. Thank you everyone, especially Dalouge and The Document Task Force who did the preparatory work for this online exchange about the Vision and Mission Statements. We had this blog posted for a little over a week, and had 12 responders, with an additional note that came to me by email, and another one or two that may still come in via email. We are turning our attention away from this location as promised.

    The Task Force will take this input and cobble together Vision and Mission Statements that attempt to include as much of this feedback as possible--recognizing that not all suggestions can be used. We will get the Statements to you soon, and will revisit them in nine months or a year, after we have more experience of the network, and know more about our aspirations and means.

    Thanks to all.
    Eric

    ReplyDelete